The Last Vlog

Spending Time Wisely

The nice thing about getting older is being able to feel more substantial. I can't really explain it other than to say that things tend to "fit" more in life. I think that may be why growing older is not such a bad thing I once thought it was. All stories have adventures and in this one I find out that children can teach you quite a bit about staying connected. I'd rather have imagination and wonder fill my life. Who better to give you that? The answer is no one else but children.

Times They Are a Changin'

It's funny, the older you get, the clearer life becomes. The answers to once important, age old questions like, "Why are we here? and Who am I?" become simple. The answer, well it's the same answer your parents gave to you when they thought your childhood questions were silly or pointless. The answer was, "Because."

Life is as hard or as simple as you make it. Through it all, external forces will always make sure to throw your internals off balance or vice versa. There is a duality to life that can be scary and comforting. But, what I find is that, if you focus so much on the questions or the answers, you forget that at this very moment you are alive. You forget that you are here and you forget that you are experiencing. You begin to worry and you find yourself stuck, smack dab in the middle of a bleak landscape that you, yourself trapped you in.

I couldn't see the forest from the trees when I was younger, but now I am beginning to see the canopy and the paths that were always there. I'm not the first to walk them and I sure as hell won't be the last. But, I know now that that the forest is experienced by many and we all will have to go through those parts. And that knowledge in itself is sometimes all you need to realize that the times they are a changin', at least for me they are.

Taking that Breath

Most times I think about how rough each passing moment is. I grind relentlessly trying to strive for something that really didn't matter anyway. When I get to that point or don't, I start to reflect. It's almost become a ritual for me. I remember after Amy passed away and I thought to myself, "Think of all the time you wasted not actually experiencing the moment with her." and I look at myself now actually remembering these times again, seeing my kids getting older, and I'm right back at the same point thinking the same damn thing with my children.

I could make excuses why I continually get trapped in this repetetive cycle or grind. I could blame it on a thousand things. But, at the end of the day it's me... it's you. And taking that responsibility of realizing that is what makes you grow up... and you really never stop growing. Just like my children who I watch grow right in front of me. I looked at them today and I felt sad because I thought how fast they have grown up and I feel this lack of experience in knowing them as the people they are now.

The good thing is being aware of the true situation. It will guide you just by being in it. The rest is easy and in times like these the best advice I can give is just simply to breathe.

The Power of YouTube

I was thinking today that it's been over 4 years of me doing videos on YouTube. It started out with me just using it as therapy dealing with the passing of my wife. It gave me the power to take my feelings and expose them. It freed me of the sadness by self expression and once I got it out there it made me feel better. I didn't hold on to those feelings and let the sadness swallow me. I would say that without the outlet of YouTube and the ability to express this creativity, I would be much worse off.

After a few videos I realized that I actually liked doing videos and making others feel better as well. I experimented with tons of ideas and it was great. Today I have many more channels that focus on more than just my main channel which is vlogs. I have a gaming channel and a news channel, a podcast and a channel just for my girlfriend and I. It allowed me to channel this creative energy and put it out there so that others may enjoy it. I primarily just really enjoy doing it for me, but over the years I love doing it for those that simply are entertained by my family and I.

However, the greatest thing to come from YouTube are the friends I have made along the way. Some have become "YouTube Famous" and others like myself just continue to do it regardless because we like to do it. I have met a young producer from Estonia, an outspoken atheist who is amazingly intelligent, a sharp and sweet Swede who met a rapper from Brooklyn and are soon to be married, an amazingly brilliant humanitarian from Belgium, and a young Brit who loves to entertain. All of whom I have the pleasure of calling friends and none of that would of been possible without being on YouTube and doing what I love to do.

For those who think that the YouTube community is dead... no, it is still alive and thriving. Yes, it has become much more corporate, but the community vibe is still there. Not only have I made many friends who youtube, I also have made friends who have become fans of mine and don't YouTube. These friends are just as amazing and support the effort that I put into ALL of my channels! For that I am amazingly humbled. Thank you YouTube... what an amazing experience this has been and I look forward to what is to come.

Owen

It's not often I like children these days... well except for my own lol. But I have to say my girlfriend's kid is pretty cool. His name is Owen and he's a capricorn like me. A ton of times I can tell we operate in the same manner. We are very visual, sense oriented humans. We are also very logical and quick to learn. Owen and I get along very well and the fact that he's three year's old and has the vocabulary he has is quite amazing but not surprising to me. One of the things we really have in common though is our sense of humor and you can see it in this clip ;)

PUNK & PRINCESS

In case you all didn't know Chelsea & I have created a new channel called Punk & Princess. The channel is a channel meant to show off our wonderful personalities and is geared for the older audience. You can go find it by clicking on this link: Punk & Princess <-- Click & Subscribe!

We are already having great fun on the channel and have started a new series on there called Princess Sings where the premise is that Chelsea wants to be on the Ellen Degeneres show and sing for her audience. The great part is that she purposefully sings horrible and it's so fun to make these videos. It was her idea to take these popular songs and completely and utterly destroy them lol.

Here is a sample below:

If you like what we are up to please support us by sharing and subscribing! Thanks to all who have done so thus far! We think the world of you! I only see this getting better and better lol

Love is Timeless and Independent of Us

I write these primarily for myself so I can look back on these and reflect. I never imagine anyone else really interested in knowing what in the hell goes on in my random day. I shouldn't expect to either should I? Not until recently. I met an amazing girl named Chelsea and I thought to share with myself the story of how love exists independently of itself and is not something that is static but more so active and unequivocally existing in and of itself.

Most of you could likely roll your eyes at this point and sigh saying, "Here this guy goes into the amazingness of love thing..." while also thinking that this read is a complete utter waste of time. I would normally agree with you, but the story I have to share is something that proves the very existence of love itself.

I came from a very normal and regular background. I had the same typical upbringing most of us have had here in the states and got through and currently live in the normal societal hypnotization type atmosphere the majority of us go through here and through it all, fell in love twice. Deep, other worldly side of the rift sci-fi type of love. I really and truly thought that one time is all you got. I thought that the fact that I even had it once and was lucky enough to know what it was, was in fact enough.

The longer I felt that feeling not being a part of me, the more concrete it made for me the notion that love, true deep sacrificial love, was something only one person could experience, if they were extremely lucky, only once. Imagine my surprise when it just recently happened to me again. Beyond all the scientific data and processes of the chemical reactions inside my body going on, love exists in the fact that it is not just coming from the inside. It also comes as an external presence or pressure from the outside in. It permeates the air and surrounds you in a wonderfully hazy, illogical field.

It gives one a hope of sorts that in the end if it all burns down or goes away (because it will, we won't be able to stop it, we aren't meant to be timeless) love still exists.

Love is timeless and independent of us.

Change is the only constant.

Sometimes, well life just doesn't go your way. In my case, that's very often. But, sometimes it's more so than normal and when that happens, you have to remember who you are to you. Me? Well it's Saturday and it's time to relax and be me. As long as I know who I am, I think that in the end, that's all that really matters.

Yea Mon.

I NEED YOUR HELP!

It's been awhile since I last wrote an entry for my blog. Apologies. Life has been overwhelming, yet I have learned how to slow things down and focus on exactly what matters in and around me. As I get older, I have become more in touch with myself; my wants and needs. I want to be much more than I am already, but I need to be satisfied with who I am now. All of my life I have been focused on succeeding and feeling as if I get absolutely nowhere. Only recently have I realized that I'm exactly where I need to be and have learned that I am content with that. I realize now what I must do to get where I want to be. I have to let go and at the same time plan. I have to create goals, but also not let the success or failures of the goals define who I am.

This being said I also realize that I can not achieve the goals I have alone. To me, the goals of being a good father come first and foremost. This I have only to rely on myself and the examples of my own father as well as my father-in-law. I am truly greatful for the opportunity of being a father. It has been one of the most deeply impacting experiences of my entire life. I have learned more about myself by being a father than I could had I not been. I believe that if a father is all I will be in this life than I can die a content man.

However, I am a very goal oriented and driven man and I believe it is important for me to stay focused on other challenges that might make me learn more about myself. One goal that I truly wish to succeed at is building a large social platform for people to enjoy. Not only do I wish to build this platform merely to entertain and make others smile, but perhaps to also learn even more about myself from this experience. I have already shared so much in the past three years. It has been a very liberating experience as well as a period of time in which I have learned volumes about myself.

What I ask of you, those of you reading this now, is to help me grow this social platform. I want to see how far I can take this simply because it is there for me and it means much to me. I have always loved to make others smile. I want to start a movement and I want you involved in this growth. I want you to experience my YouTube channels, my Facebook pages, my Twitter accounts, my music on Soundcloud, and even this blog. These are all connections to my past, present, and future me. They are also connections and records of those directly around me in my every day life and that includes you. Every single one of you have an impact on the way I perceive life. Let's see together if we can positively affect others and at the same time be entertained by the experiences and work put into the very platform we build.

How can you help? Simple, in order for this to grow I need you all to simply like and share the videos or creations that I make for you/me/us. I have created a Vlog channel, a Game channel, and a News channel. I have created these genres in hopes that one or more of these channels catch your interest. If they do, I ask you to help me make this a success. I realize I can not do this on my own. I have also realized that this is important to me. Because of this I have taken this to the next step. I have created a schedule for each channel. I feel regularity and stability of the content I create is vitally important to growth.
Below is our new schedule:

Every Tuesday - A new gaming video on Da Gaimez
Every Wednesday - A news video on WTFFTW
Every Thursday - A new vlog on Thraushtins

I have linked all of my channels above, but to make it simpler you can simply go to the thraushtins link to see all of the channels displayed on one page for ease of use.

I will try the best I can to keep the content regular and stick to this schedule. I realize as being a single father there will be times when I can't keep this as regular as I want, but I want to make a commitment to try.

For those of you who I know through YouTube and in my every day life who have helped up to this point... thank you. Thank you for the effort that you have selflessly and graciously put in making these creations stronger which in turn makes my experiences more meaningful.

Sincerely,
Thraushtins

Losing Amy

Today is the anniversary of my wife's death from cancer. It's been eight years now since her passing. It scares me because each year that passes, it gets harder for me to picture her when I close my eyes or remember the sound of her laughter. I still remember certain things, like how her freckles came out in the summer time on her face and how she hated it or how maternal she was with the children. She was an amazing mother. I wonder how it feels to be the kids and barely remember her or in Devon's case not really even knowing her. I wonder if it feels worse than this. But, over all I feel the loss of her still to this day. As the years pass I realize I have moved on, but I also know there is that part of me that is forever hers and will always be. I like that. I like knowing that if there isn't some amazing cosmos out there when we die and life after death is truly a dark black nothing, that we were written together in time. Knowing that in itself makes me feel better and knowing that also helps me as an individual to move forward and not be stuck in the past. It's a great place to visit, the past, but I wouldn't ever recommend it as a permanent stay for anyone. Last night I picked up my guitar and just though about her... about our time together in time and this is what I wrote; perhaps music is a better translator of thought and depth than words could ever portray:

Losing Weight

I've been putting off getting in shape for too long. Every new year brings about the same resolve to do something that would get me healthier and every year I find myself in the same spot I did at the beginning of the year... fat. I realized that my son is following in my footsteps and that gave me the resolve I need to move forward and start losing this weight. He wants to do it with me and I think that's awesome. It's hard working like I do non-stop and youtube'ing and trading on the market... and writing all of these run on sentences to find the time to create and maintain a health plan. I'm going to start with nutrition for a week or two and then start with cardio the following weeks/months. After I hit my weight loss goal I will then work on replacing the fat with muscle. I used to be in great shape years ago and that was because I was working from home. I had the time to run and to plan my diet. Now I must move into double time mode and suck it up. I have to do this not only or me, but for the kids. Here's a video of the realization I had to lose the weight I need to lose.

Da Gaimez Community takes on Battlefield 4!

Starting a gaming community is the best fun I've had in awhile. We are still relatively small, but I know that we will continue to grow and in the meantime we are gaming together! Just check out a new series I am putting on our Network called Battlefield 4 Online Highlights!

Come JOIN US Today!

David Icke interview by Einar Kuusk

It's really fun watching my friend Einar proceed forward on his journey to become something more or perhaps something more of what he wishes to see in himself, than what he started out as. But, isn't that how we all start our journey? Here he is doing an interview with the very well known David Icke. Anyone who knows Einar and I know that we are the type of people who consistently search for answers to the very meaning of life and our purpose as a species. Why? To gain a different perspective on our lives, so that we may view this life in a way that gives us an advantage in finding that which holds great divinity to us, truth. You may not believe anything in this interview. I myself am skeptical of more than a few of the topics brought up in this video, but given an open mind and allowing yourself to understand the forces at work here; forces that guide humanity beyond the limitations of our senses, you will pick something up... and that is what I love about Einar's vision... the way in which he perceives events is like no other and he is beginning to exercise this muscle through film making. I see the evolution of just how he will become Einar Kuusk amazingly well and will always love him for the Einar he is, for the Einar he is becoming, and for the Einar he will become.

Here's another step in Einar's journey forward becoming Einar:

DA GAIMEZ IZ GROWING

It's been really cool to see my gaming channel start to grow. It's really slow at this point, but I see it happening. If you are interested in joining our community please do so. It's designed not only to be entertainment for you, but to get you involved and perhaps see you play with the group in a video as well! Together we can make Da Gaimez into a group of amazing gamers of all gender and age who OWN!

AFTER WATCHING THE VID SUBSCRIBE HERE:

JOIN DA GAIMEZ TODAY!

WTF FTW

Really had a great time making this video and it's quite a shame it won't get the views or attention it is deserved. But that won't stop me from making videos. I really just make these because I want to make people think and laugh. I'm really digging my news/political station WTFFTW [What the F*ck For the Win]. Think I'll start making more for the fun of it ;)

Humanity

About 28 years ago, right around Halloween this time, I decided I knew exactly what I wanted to be for Halloween. While everyone else was dressing up as a pirate or a skeleton, I wanted to be Charlie Chaplin. My parents thought it a bit odd. At least that's the way I remember it. But, being the cool parents they were, they got me the big shoes, the cane, and the derby. I made a pretty decent Chaplin for an eight year old. I used to watch tons of black and white shows as a kid. I'd come home and watch I love Lucy, My Favorite Martian, Leave it to Beaver, and my favvorite The Twilight Zone. But my favorite was when I could catch an old Charlie Chaplin film. I thought this quite appropriate as it was released 73 years ago this very day. It makes me think of what we could all be capable of as humanity...

G+ Owning Facebook?!

You can look at that title and laugh just reading it, but amazingly the statement/question/astonishing fact of the matter is that my G+ fanpage is gaining more steam and momentum in under 7 days than facebook has this past year. In under 7 days from creation of my G+ fanpage I have accumulated 68 likes. I'm quite fascinated by this as I used to think that G+ was a joke. Is it possible that Google will dominate when it comes to social networking? Say it ain't so, but from the statistics I see the answer thus far is a resounding yes. Stop by my G+ page and as for facebook... well better catch up.

Visit my G+ Fanpage and give it some love! CLICK HERE!!!

WTFFTW & DA GAIMEZ ARE BACK!!!

APologies on not having a blog in some time. It's refreshing to come back to this. I had a little time off from the vlogging and youtube gig because it frankly was needed. I was getting burned out. It's pretty usual. I take at least a month off a year from this because I put so much into this and most times I feel like it doesn't get the attention it deserves. It gets rather frustrating. But, this time I really came back for the few fans we have. Normally it was for me, but I find it interesting that I came back for others. Because of that I have deceided to bring back Da Gaimez & WTFFTW. Those channels are my gaming and news channel. I was posting everything on my main channel, but really I think it was hurting me more than anything else by putting all that diffreent type of content on one channel. This time I have split up content type by putting it on different channels, but the cool thing is that I have also split up my main channel with three polaylists that incorporate all the different type of content and keep the 3 channels fluid. Only time will tell how succesful this new organization will be. So check out my new thraushtins chanel: THRAUSHTINS

Also check out my new videos on Da Gaimez & WTFFTW:

Oh and I would like to take the time to thank all of those who have been with me from the very beginning and support us. Thank you for making us want to make more videos for you! \m/ Keep it Hardcore \m/

Thraushtins Love

There are a lot of things happening in my real life right now. Recently, a family member passed away and it made me reflect a bit on everything and everyone around me. Death does that. We are here for such a short span of time and you really have to live life the way you want to. Of course, you won't always have the freedom to go running off to a tropical island, especially if you have responsibilities that are important to you, like children. However, if in your mind, you can treat each day as a tropical island get away, then you are living life exactly the way you should. I made this video as a reflection point in my life to realize that life, while tragic, is beautiful in it's own way. Roll with the punches and in the end go down fighting no matter the odds.

WE ARE ONE