Times They Are a Changin'

It's funny, the older you get, the clearer life becomes. The answers to once important, age old questions like, "Why are we here? and Who am I?" become simple. The answer, well it's the same answer your parents gave to you when they thought your childhood questions were silly or pointless. The answer was, "Because."

Life is as hard or as simple as you make it. Through it all, external forces will always make sure to throw your internals off balance or vice versa. There is a duality to life that can be scary and comforting. But, what I find is that, if you focus so much on the questions or the answers, you forget that at this very moment you are alive. You forget that you are here and you forget that you are experiencing. You begin to worry and you find yourself stuck, smack dab in the middle of a bleak landscape that you, yourself trapped you in.

I couldn't see the forest from the trees when I was younger, but now I am beginning to see the canopy and the paths that were always there. I'm not the first to walk them and I sure as hell won't be the last. But, I know now that that the forest is experienced by many and we all will have to go through those parts. And that knowledge in itself is sometimes all you need to realize that the times they are a changin', at least for me they are.

Taking that Breath

Most times I think about how rough each passing moment is. I grind relentlessly trying to strive for something that really didn't matter anyway. When I get to that point or don't, I start to reflect. It's almost become a ritual for me. I remember after Amy passed away and I thought to myself, "Think of all the time you wasted not actually experiencing the moment with her." and I look at myself now actually remembering these times again, seeing my kids getting older, and I'm right back at the same point thinking the same damn thing with my children.

I could make excuses why I continually get trapped in this repetetive cycle or grind. I could blame it on a thousand things. But, at the end of the day it's me... it's you. And taking that responsibility of realizing that is what makes you grow up... and you really never stop growing. Just like my children who I watch grow right in front of me. I looked at them today and I felt sad because I thought how fast they have grown up and I feel this lack of experience in knowing them as the people they are now.

The good thing is being aware of the true situation. It will guide you just by being in it. The rest is easy and in times like these the best advice I can give is just simply to breathe.