The Last Vlog

Spending Time Wisely

The nice thing about getting older is being able to feel more substantial. I can't really explain it other than to say that things tend to "fit" more in life. I think that may be why growing older is not such a bad thing I once thought it was. All stories have adventures and in this one I find out that children can teach you quite a bit about staying connected. I'd rather have imagination and wonder fill my life. Who better to give you that? The answer is no one else but children.

Times They Are a Changin'

It's funny, the older you get, the clearer life becomes. The answers to once important, age old questions like, "Why are we here? and Who am I?" become simple. The answer, well it's the same answer your parents gave to you when they thought your childhood questions were silly or pointless. The answer was, "Because."

Life is as hard or as simple as you make it. Through it all, external forces will always make sure to throw your internals off balance or vice versa. There is a duality to life that can be scary and comforting. But, what I find is that, if you focus so much on the questions or the answers, you forget that at this very moment you are alive. You forget that you are here and you forget that you are experiencing. You begin to worry and you find yourself stuck, smack dab in the middle of a bleak landscape that you, yourself trapped you in.

I couldn't see the forest from the trees when I was younger, but now I am beginning to see the canopy and the paths that were always there. I'm not the first to walk them and I sure as hell won't be the last. But, I know now that that the forest is experienced by many and we all will have to go through those parts. And that knowledge in itself is sometimes all you need to realize that the times they are a changin', at least for me they are.

Taking that Breath

Most times I think about how rough each passing moment is. I grind relentlessly trying to strive for something that really didn't matter anyway. When I get to that point or don't, I start to reflect. It's almost become a ritual for me. I remember after Amy passed away and I thought to myself, "Think of all the time you wasted not actually experiencing the moment with her." and I look at myself now actually remembering these times again, seeing my kids getting older, and I'm right back at the same point thinking the same damn thing with my children.

I could make excuses why I continually get trapped in this repetetive cycle or grind. I could blame it on a thousand things. But, at the end of the day it's me... it's you. And taking that responsibility of realizing that is what makes you grow up... and you really never stop growing. Just like my children who I watch grow right in front of me. I looked at them today and I felt sad because I thought how fast they have grown up and I feel this lack of experience in knowing them as the people they are now.

The good thing is being aware of the true situation. It will guide you just by being in it. The rest is easy and in times like these the best advice I can give is just simply to breathe.

The Power of YouTube

I was thinking today that it's been over 4 years of me doing videos on YouTube. It started out with me just using it as therapy dealing with the passing of my wife. It gave me the power to take my feelings and expose them. It freed me of the sadness by self expression and once I got it out there it made me feel better. I didn't hold on to those feelings and let the sadness swallow me. I would say that without the outlet of YouTube and the ability to express this creativity, I would be much worse off.

After a few videos I realized that I actually liked doing videos and making others feel better as well. I experimented with tons of ideas and it was great. Today I have many more channels that focus on more than just my main channel which is vlogs. I have a gaming channel and a news channel, a podcast and a channel just for my girlfriend and I. It allowed me to channel this creative energy and put it out there so that others may enjoy it. I primarily just really enjoy doing it for me, but over the years I love doing it for those that simply are entertained by my family and I.

However, the greatest thing to come from YouTube are the friends I have made along the way. Some have become "YouTube Famous" and others like myself just continue to do it regardless because we like to do it. I have met a young producer from Estonia, an outspoken atheist who is amazingly intelligent, a sharp and sweet Swede who met a rapper from Brooklyn and are soon to be married, an amazingly brilliant humanitarian from Belgium, and a young Brit who loves to entertain. All of whom I have the pleasure of calling friends and none of that would of been possible without being on YouTube and doing what I love to do.

For those who think that the YouTube community is dead... no, it is still alive and thriving. Yes, it has become much more corporate, but the community vibe is still there. Not only have I made many friends who youtube, I also have made friends who have become fans of mine and don't YouTube. These friends are just as amazing and support the effort that I put into ALL of my channels! For that I am amazingly humbled. Thank you YouTube... what an amazing experience this has been and I look forward to what is to come.

Owen

It's not often I like children these days... well except for my own lol. But I have to say my girlfriend's kid is pretty cool. His name is Owen and he's a capricorn like me. A ton of times I can tell we operate in the same manner. We are very visual, sense oriented humans. We are also very logical and quick to learn. Owen and I get along very well and the fact that he's three year's old and has the vocabulary he has is quite amazing but not surprising to me. One of the things we really have in common though is our sense of humor and you can see it in this clip ;)